The last few years have been very eventful.

How I wish I can go back, and change my thoughts. To tell myself, my stupidity, arrogance and lack of thoughtfulness will lead me to a path of sorrow and unanswerable questions.

Even now, I ponder, what have I done?

All those steps I took. Were they for the better? Or was I just running away, slowly, but surely?

Again, so many unanswerable questions. Rhetorical questions. What are rhetorical questions?

Sometimes, when happy and enjoyable things occur, I wonder, what would have happened if I didn’t take those steps, leaving me unknown to so many?

To lose a friendship is hard. And I lost a few over the past year.

But what I really regret is that these friendships could’ve stayed strong. If I was paying attention to what was happening around me.

…

"If you let your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for letting the trees know."

…

I cried because I was forced to say things I felt I did not want to say. Not at that time.
I cried because I felt I betrayed someone I dearly cared for. Someone I knew for such a short time, but it was a friendship that was so strong, it shattered under its own pressure.
I cried because I wondered, would these things have happened, if I just was more aware of my surroundings?
I cried because I was crying.

I was always a crybaby. Always.

My past. Almost anti-social. Actually, very anti-social. I didn’t know my own self, and was very obedient. I obeyed orders, and never said no. I never said anything. I didn’t need to. I was horribly introverted.

High school was a breakthrough for me. I decided to change my personality. But no one can change their personality completely. My shyness and somber silence occasionally slipped through.

Socialising was never my forte. And it never will be.

But I will always try to create strong bonds; once I get to know someone.

Though however much I try, I still find it very difficult to look at someone in the eye.

BSCBB noun [bi-su-ka-bu]: acronym standing for Bummy Sexy Cuddle Bish Buddy (est. 2008)

You are :

• someone I trust.
• the shoulder I cry on when things go down.
• a hard worker.
  
• the punching bag.
• my DOTA sensei.
• a wrist cut victim.
• prone to my violence.
• polite.
• liked by my mum.
• a smart smartie.
• my neighbour.
• a banana marrying a banana.
  
• forever friends. <3

Love you biscuit!

Gr ! So annoying. Why does mum have f-ing family friends over? (alliteration)

They are so loud and annoying. Just like those ants running around the backyard. (simile)

I hate English. It should just roll over and die. (personification)

Sigh, I even deactivated FB, deleted MSN, deleted apps on my iphone, restricted youtube access and now on my dead blog. @.@

FML?

Perhaps.:)

My lil bro is growing up. T_T

8 already !

Where is mine?

x.x;''

I feel like I'm subconsciously distancing myself from others that I was once, or never, close to.

Perhaps it's just my imagination, but it's just that conversation never strikes up. Some people I have recently met up with, I haven't seen in months (which seem like years), and there is nothing to say.

Yet, I still cling onto those I hold dear to me, in a non-physical kind of way. Who are my true friends, and who are not? The only way to test that, is to distance yourself from those, and see if they greet you with happiness and joy when they see you.

In chapel at school, we are talking about a bible passage, 'the Prodigal Son and Elder Brother'. Now, I'm truthfully not a very religious person, and I never paid any attention in chapel, but the story caught my attention. It was about a man, whose oldest son wanted to go out into the world with his father's money, and indulge in the pleasures in life. In the end, he came home as a broken man, however, his father welcomed him back with open arms.

If my friendships were of that, like a family, and I was the older son, spoiling away with money, indulging in self-greed, will my friends (the father) accept me back with a feast? Are my relationships are as strong as true, as that of which is between the father and son?

Hm, perhaps it's due to my 'shyness'. Even with friends I've known for ages, there are times when looking in the eyes of someone while speaking to them proves too difficult to me. I must always look away, or stare at some haphazard direction.

I often wonder what will happen after high school. Will everyone spread like a contagious virus?

Which brings forth my thought of what happens to those who become attached. Sometimes, it's hard to enjoy friendships with those you laughed with only a couple of weeks back. When someone important comes into the picture, the laughs are strained, and the time spent together is less and less.

In the end, the friendship diminishes, while their attachment to their 'other' goes stronger.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Oh, and I hanged out with my mum at the library for Mother's Day. =D My way of saying thankyou, since I rarely see her 'round these days. Full nerding it out at Hursty library from 3-5. Me on my Physics assignment, and my mum on her Conveyancing Law crap. x]

I have exams in a week, and a piano performance this Thursday.

Shit.